Black Couples Let Me Holla at Y’all For a Few Minutes
Let’s me get straight to the heart of it. Everyone’s talking about “rebuilding the Black family” like it’s some kind of magic that’s just gonna happen. But you can’t build a strong house without a solid foundation. And in our community, that foundation starts with healthy Black partnerships.
See, we’ve got to get real about our own behavior first. All that generational trauma we’ve inherited, all those survival patterns that might’ve helped us get through, but now they’re holding us back — it’s time to heal that. I’m talking about the trust issues that have us lying to each other, the financial wounds that have us mishandling money, the anger that turns into hands being raised, the fear of commitment that keeps us running from house to house, using people up and moving on. The way we treat each other in relationships? That’s the blueprint we’re passing down to our children.
We can’t keep playing musical chairs with relationships, thinking the next person is going fix what’s broken inside us. Every time we jump from partner to partner without doing a deep dive into our own healing work, we’re just spreading that pain wider in our community. All that serial dating, that “hit it and quit it” mentality, that “I’m just gonna get mine” attitude — it’s keeping us from building the kind of wealth, stability, and legacy our people deserve.
This is the time to put on your grown-up undies and build with somebody. The way things are going now you will never be able to be successful by yourself with children because the Trump administration is going to cut as much as they can get away with cutting.
I know Black folks are used to doing a lot with a little, we know how to make a way out of no way. But this time around the struggle is going to be much worse because there is a lot going on with employment. For example, technological things like AI are taking away jobs; the customer service centers and call centers moved over seas a long time ago because employers don’t have to pay much or pay benefits, or pay any real wages. So the jobs are getting fewer and fewer.
Trump says he’s bringing jobs back to the U.S. He’s not bringing jobs to the U.S., that ship sailed a long time ago. Forget about that. What needs to happen is you’ve got to take what little you might have and combine it with somebody you can live with and proceed from there. And if you happen to be in love with that person all the better.
It’s time to start getting really serious about life. This Administration is not going to serve Black people, they are only for themselves. Trump, Musk, and others want us to die. Some of y’all think this is not serious. I’m being real f*cking serious.
Think about this: Reaching midlife can be a powerful wake-up call. While it’s natural to be nostalgic about our younger years, clinging too tightly to the past can prevent us from building meaningful relationships and creating the life we want. Our value is not measured by how closely we resemble our younger selves, but by the wisdom we’ve gained, the relationships we’ve nurtured, and the character we’ve developed. What matters most isn’t how we look or whether we can relive our youth, but how we show up for ourselves and others each day.
It’s time for some real talk about getting your lives together. This is not the time to be playing games and being petty. While y’all out here focused on the surface stuff— the lashes, nails, hair, body-type, judging folks by their shoes — real life is passing you by. And let’s keep it real: that superficial mindset ain’t serving you or nobody else.
I’m saying this because in this day and age you cannot make it on your own unless you hit the lottery and you know the odds of hitting the lottery are about 1 in 300 million. The key to our survival as Black people is to unite and it starts with the Black couple.
Let me be real about what happens in the Black community when we’re “just keeping it casual.” A baby changes everything — especially when you haven’t had those serious conversations or made solid plans. Now it’s not just about you and your partner vibing; it’s about a whole new life that needs stability, resources, and a strong foundation.
Listen, like my Great-Aunt Mildred always said, “When money gets tight, everything gets tight.” One day you’re managing, the next you’re playing bill roulette — trying to figure out whether to keep the lights on or put food on the table. And anybody who’s been there knows that kind of stress will have you tossing and turning all night, even after the baby finally falls asleep.
See, this is what folks don’t tell you about relationships under pressure. It starts with the small stuff — side comments about who bought the last box of diapers, who’s getting up for the 3 AM feeding, why the cell phone bill ain’t paid. Before you know it, you’re both running on empty, snapping at each other because you’re bone-tired and stressed to the max. That financial pressure gets heavy, especially when you’re trying to do better than the generation before you, but the system ain’t making it easy. You start taking out your frustrations on each other because, who else is there? Then one day, what started as your “ride or die” turns into “I can’t do this no more,” and another Black family gets torn apart by the same pressures our parents and grandparents faced.
Let’s be real about what happens when Black families split up in today’s economy. When somebody has to move out, they’re facing these sky-high rents that’ll eat up most of their check — we’re talking about the kind of rent that has folks working two and three jobs just to keep a roof over their head. And the one left behind? Well, they’re trying to handle bills that were meant for two incomes, plus take care of a child. That’s the kind of financial pressure that keeps our people from building generational wealth.
Black folks, this is why we have to flip the script on how we build Black families. Too many of us are having children before we’ve built a solid foundation as a couple, before we’ve had those real conversations about money, values, and future plans. Our ancestors understood that survival meant sticking together, building together, and growing together. In today’s world, with everything stacked against us, your best shot at not just surviving but thriving is to build that strong relationship first — being better together. Because when you’ve got a solid partnership — where you’re both serious about life, both aligned, both committed, both working toward the same goals — that’s when you can create the kind of stability our children need and our community deserves.
Y’all still reading?
This ain’t just about relationships anymore, this is about our survival in a system that wasn’t built for us. In these times, a lot of us are one paycheck, one emergency, one bad break away from everything falling apart. That’s why this Black partnership thing is deeper than love or sex — it’s about building something that can weather any storm. When you find somebody who’s serious about building and growing, you better recognize the blessing in front of you.
The times for playing games and being petty is over. While we’re out here playing around, switching partners like outfits, and acting like we’ve got all the time in the world, rent’s going up, jobs ain’t paying enough, folks living in their cars, and the American Dream keeps getting further out of reach. But here’s the truth that our grandparents knew — two people working together, supporting each other, building together, can create something bigger than themselves.
You are not perfect. You don’t need to be perfect — you just need to be committed to the vision. When you meet somebody who’s ready to put in that work, who understands that unity is survival, who’s willing to grow with you — that’s gold. Stop looking for perfection and start building excellence together.
In these times, being “better together” isn’t just a trendy saying — it’s the blueprint for Black survival and success. Because when you’re unified, when you’re both moving in the same direction, when you’re building wealth instead of wasting time, that’s how we break cycles. That’s how we create legacy. That’s how we ensure our children aren’t starting from scratch. It’s not getting any easier, the rent isn’t getting any cheaper, and time is not on our side. So when you find your partner in this journey, lock in and build something real. Because together, even two average people can build an extraordinary life and future. I am proof.
Are y’all serious? Start Here.
Your First Small Step → Schedule a free 20-minute virtual meeting to learn how we can help you build a stronger partnership. No pressure, just real talk about where you are and where you want to be.
The truth: extraordinary relationships aren’t built overnight, but they are built one step at a time. Whether you’re:
- Just starting out and want to build it right
- Struggling and need tools to get back on track
- Ready to take your good relationship to the next level
Got you.
Contact info: 📧 [dr.paulamsmith@gmail.com]
Don’t wait until things become unbearable. Take that first small step today.
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And oh … y’all stay safe. The Trump Administration believes in shaking down Black folks for sport.
Blessings,
Dr. Paula
